In my last post I proposed erotic tease as a way to spice up sex for those in longer term relationships. While dry humping works for those new to sex, or to a lesser extent, when you have a new partner, for the rest of us, there’s unlikely to be enough excitement to warrant hours of dry humping. So I propose a more sophisticated version of erotic tease. In this post I will explain how to erotically tease a woman. I have taken the position that you are a man reading this but it works for both men and women, so lesbians are very much welcome, especially if you are the slim, handsome kind like Ally Sheedy in High Art.

Now in the blogging world, and particularly when men are your audience, you are supposed to limit the length of your blogs, and present it in easy-to-digest chunks. If you scan this post and feel it’s too long or too difficult to read, then that my sexy reader, is the first problem you need to overcome before you can truly erotically tease a woman. Erotic tease is something that requires a substantial time investment, and high levels of concentration. To learn about the rewards, see the reader quotes below:

Gia, thank you so much for teaching my husband how to erotically tease me. Last night he put your wisdom into practice and I had two of the most excruciatingly divine orgasms of my life. I love you.

Karen, 31

Gia, last night I followed your instructions to the letter and I gave me wife two massive orgasms. She just texted me that tonight is the night I get to %*@^ her in the #$$. I love you.

Richard, 34

Pussy licking plays a huge role in erotic tease.

OK, that was just me taking the piss. Now let’s get down to business.

Let’s first discuss the pre-sexual. I personally don’t think there really needs to be any build up because the physical tease itself will be so good. However there are people who would prefer to move into it slowly, say go out for dinner or drinks first. Of course, if done well you’ll both be aroused before you even get to bed, but there are some things to watch out for. If you go out for dinner, try to make it something light. The last thing a woman wants to do after a heavy meal is to spend hours contorted in various positions while trying not to fart. Likewise, if you drink beforehand, resist the urge to overdo it. Erotic tease requires a lot of control by you, and heightened awareness by her. For those of you more like me, there’s no reason why you can’t just begin the erotic tease as you would a regular lovemaking session. Make sure you are clean and your nails are trimmed short. I suggest you encourage her to wear something that makes her feel super sexy and maybe some high heels. Turn off your phones, put all the things you’ll need close by, and keep a glass of water there too.

I personally think the couch is a nice place to start. When you start in bed often the who thing takes place horizontally, but at least with the couch you can easily stand up and explore her that way, and if desired, eventually make your way to the bedroom.

You should be fully clothed and remain that way until the very end. Wear comfortable underwear because you are going to get an erection and you are not going to be able to release it. Try to dress the way she likes to see you – resist the urge to slob it out in sweatpants unless you look really hot in them. The contrast between her unclothed self and your clothed self is going to make her feel a little vulnerable, but also very sexy.

Start by kissing. Gently caress her face, behind her ears and her neck. Cup her face in your hands and kiss her deeply. I don’t want to talk too much about kissing because everyone likes it their own way. Just remember that you are going to be doing lots of kissing so build up the passion slowly. Tease her mouth, place small dry kisses on other parts of her face and kiss her neck and behind her ears. Gently run your fingers through her hair unless you know she doesn’t like it. She may try and touch your cock or pull it out or do something to you. Just take her hand and hold it, repeatedly if necessary, until she gets the hint. You may even need to murmur something about tonight being her night.

You may move on to caressing her limbs. Think shoulders and arms for now. If she has her arms bare you can kiss them. Let’s imagine she is wearing a dress. At some stage you are going to want to stand up. Press your body up against hers and continue kissing her. Take off her dress. Do it so that she is facing away from you and press up behind her. Brush her hair away and kiss the back of her neck and also kiss her back. For some women the back can be an exquisitely sensitive area. Try biting her very gently on her back. You’ll know if she likes it. Cup her breasts and rub her nipples through the bra while you kiss or lick or bite her back. She should be somewhat aroused by now and be pressing back into you.

It’s time to unclasp her bra. You may still be behind her. Very gently draw circles around and over her nipples with either your fingers or the palm of your hands. You should feel her nipples harden. Like kissing, nipple stimulation is very subjective. I’m assuming you know what she likes. The key is to build up to it slowly. If she likes very firm stimulation, pinching or biting, make sure it takes you a very long time to get there. I have very sensitive nipples that when stimulated seem to have a one-way connection directly to my pussy. However I cannot stand them being handled too firmly, so if she is anything like me, don’t wear them out with too much stimulation. To stimulate her nipples with your mouth you will probably need to sit back down on the couch in order to reach them comfortably. Obviously while you are doing this you can stroke and caress the rest of her body except for her pussy or ass.

When you are ready to begin working on her pussy, I suggest you stand up again and position yourself behind her. For some reason being touched from behind is so much sexier because it encourages her to arch her back, and it gives you easy access to the sensitive area behind the neck which is often neglected. With one hand you can touch her breasts  and with the other you should put your hand between her legs (from behind) and with the absolute lightest touch – she should barely feel it – you should stroke her from the mound (i.e. above the clitoris) to her ass. Remember this is over her panties. She will need to have her legs spread in order for you to do this. Kiss or bite her back or neck at the same time. It is also likely that you will feel wetness at the crotch of her panties. This will undoubtedly make you very horny – resist the urge to speed up the pace or to touch her more firmly. Likewise, she is probably going to be thrusting her hips or trying to press up against your hand. When she does this just readjust so you are still touching her very slowly and lightly. Now around this time she may again try to pull your cock out or take control of the situation. Persuade her otherwise, even if it’s what you want too. You can thank me later when she’s telling all her friends that you’re the best lover she’s ever had. Now is a good time to lay her down on the couch and you kneel on the floor. Part her legs slightly. She should still have her panties on. If you like you can kiss her stomach and thighs but don’t do it for too long. The feather-light stroking you were doing earlier has got her primed for clitoral stimulation. What I want you to do is to kiss her clitoris over the top of her panties. Then put your mouth over where her clitoris would be and begin to lick her through the fabric. Just stick with the clitoral area. Your tongue shouldn’t be moving much at all. Don’t point your tongue, make it flat and lick. The combination of your licks and her lubrication will make her panties very wet. The really important thing is not to stop, just keep licking at a steady pace. Take your cue from her. Some women will be able to orgasm from this, and if it seems like this is what is going to happen, keep it up until she does. For other women it won’t be enough or both of you will be dying to get some skin to tongue contact. If you think this is the case, do it for a while until she’s squirming and then let’s move onto the next stage.

You are going to remove her panties. You can keep her in the same position or she can stand up and you can sit on the couch in front of her. It doesn’t really matter. Remove them slowly. The air from the exposure is going to feel wonderful. Once her panties are removed you can explore her more thoroughly with your tongue. I’d recommend against using fingers at this point as there is still a lot you can do with your tongue. Don’t forget her ass if you like, but I’d advise against going from ass to pussy since it can introduce infection. Now if you want to get her to come we need to move the show back up to her clitoris. This is where it gets a bit more subjective, so by all means, if you know how to make her come using your mouth, do so in whatever way works. I can tell you what I like and what I think will work on many women. Make your tongue flat and soft and lap her clitoris. The key is consistency and not breaking the rhythm. To work out the rhythm become aware of her movements. Don’t go any faster than she dictates. Cunnilingus is often an endurance sport – keep your tongue moving and just keep your eye on the prize, a delicious orgasm for your woman. You may also want to stimulate her vagina (and anus if she likes). I personally like a finger only in the immediate entrance of my vagina where all the nerve endings lie. Slight movements there are very nice. I also like having the entrance to my anus stimulated. Other women may like it in other ways. For example, some women like to be fingered all the way, with your fingers thrusting in and out like a cock. Other women may like you to put your finger in all the way but then keep it there and rub upwards to the front wall of her vagina where the g-spot is. Some women don’t like any vaginal stimulation at all during oral. If you are unsure, maybe stick with what I like and then if she tries to thrust on your fingers you can take the hint, and start sliding them in and out, etc.

Let’s recap. All that time you’ve also been licking her clitoris, following her lead in how fast or slow you should go. There’s a very good chance she will orgasm, especially if you really focus on listening to her body. Because this is an erotic tease and you have come into it with the mindset that it’s all about her, I suspect that it will be very easy for you to listen to her body, noting the way she is moving, the rhythm, her gasps, moans, even the rate at which she is breathing. When she comes you should secretly congratulate yourself. Your hard work and attention to detail has given her a Supergasm (trademark registered

I suspect after such a build-up the release is going to exhaust her. Give her a moment to catch her breath. For some women, after orgasm their clitoris can be overly sensitive. Why don’t you come up and kiss her on the mouth, look into her eyes and enjoy the post-orgasm glow. Your lovemaking may end there or may progress to intercourse (or even more oral if you have a marathon worthy tongue and she’d like further licking). In fact, some very lucky women don’t need a break at all and continued licking from you can result in multiple orgasms.

Let’s say you do progress to intercourse. Some ways to make sex more of a tease include the following:

• The first time you penetrate her with your penis I want you to do it so slowly and not go in all the way. Just push in an inch deep and then slowly withdraw. Do it again and again, each time going in a tiny bit further. The entrance is where all the nerve endings are so this kind of entry, despite looking subtle, will drive her wild.
• Some women like more of a grinding motion than a thrusting motion because it stimulates the clitoris. Try it.
• Some women, particularly when they are very highly aroused like hard thrusting which hits their cervical wall. Be careful though as not all women like this. Doggy position and missionary with her legs over your shoulders are good for deep thrusting.
• If she has sensitive nipples, positioning yourself so you can lick and suck them can increase her pleasure. Actually, I’m a big believer in MZS (Multiple Zone Stimulation). If you can lick her nipples and rub her clitoris or massage her anus at the same time as thrusting – you are awesome – and she’ll be having the time of her life. When women fantasize about more than one man they like to imagine how it would feel to have two warm wet tongues and 20 fingers to stimulate them at the same time.
• One very hot thing that you can do is pull out and go down on her. It’ll make her feel so sexy and desirable that you want to stop suddenly and bury your face between her legs.
• Adding onto the last point you can spice up a position change with oral. For example, let’s say you want to change to doggy style. Get her on her hands and knees and then lick her from behind. Firstly, behind licked from behind is ultra-sexy. Secondly, you can also lick her anus which is bound to make her feel extra depraved. Other position changes you both might enjoy include going from the woman on top, to woman sitting on your face position.
• Of course, with all this sexiness going on she might want to have you in her mouth. I really can’t advise you on that except to say, enjoy…

So that’s it, sexy readers. I hope you enjoyed reading it as much as I enjoyed writing it. If you like my ideas or better yet, if you try them out, please do write and tell me all about it. The juicier, the better.

It’s a widely held belief that people in long-term relationships have less exciting sex than earlier in the relationship. I believe that one of the reasons for this is because the sex lives of long-termers contain little or no erotic tease. Let’s compare the life of a long-time married person with a teenager just starting out on their sexual journey. It’s not that teenagers specifically set out to engage in erotic tease – it’s more just a byproduct of the competing desires for sex and hesitancy to do so, for whatever reasons.

I remember having a boyfriend in my teens who would go home after our dates crippled by blue balls. OK, that probably isn’t the most appealing way to sell erotic tease, but believe me, it was a testament to how hot our make-out sessions would be. We’d spend entire afternoons deep kissing and dry humping. He’d be erect the entire time and my panties would be soaked through. Each time we’d take it a step further – him licking my nipples, touching each other first outside, then inside our pants, the first time I felt his mouth between my legs and later him in my mouth… you get the picture. Now if we move our attention to the married couple, sex is usually a routine affair that doesn’t take longer than half an hour, everyone knows the drill – few kisses, suck her nipples, stroke her pussy, rub his cock, maybe a bit of oral if feeling adventurous, penetration, perhaps a position change, orgasm for her, orgasm for him.

I ask you, when was the last time you dry humped?

Tomorrow I’m going to post a man’s (or woman’s) guide to erotically teasing a woman. You will get step by step instructions on how to turn her into a quivering puddle.

The best massage I ever had was by an ex-boyfriend. He oiled my entire body and gave me a proper massage before slowly working up my legs to my inner thighs. He took his time and massaged them allowing his fingers to brush up against my pussy. At the same time I was also watching my first ever porno (his cunning idea), so to say I was aroused would be an understatement. I was a virgin at the time and in retrospect he certainly knew how to relax me. While I did leave with my virginity intact, after introducing me to my first orgasm through oral sex, it wouldn’t be for much longer.

Mmmm, now that's what I call a happy ending!

That sexy rubdown aside, I happen to love massages a lot, so occasionally I treat myself to spa visits. However, after reading this story about it not being all that uncommon for women to receive the ubiquitous happy ending men talk about, I feel positively gypped. While I’ve fantasized about going to one of those rub-and-tug parlors, I never thought regular spas would offer the happy ending. The author of the article suggests that at upscale spas there are massage therapists who finish by giving their female clients an orgasm. While it seems to be something that not every massage therapist will do nor is it openly discussed, in that you don’t walk in and demand a happy ending, apparently you can give hints that you’d like one such as moaning, agreeing to a buttock or inner thigh massage, and making repeat visits in which you tell him/her how aroused you were after the last massage.

I must admit, reading the article turned me on and made me think back to the professional massages I’d received. I recall getting a massage in a fancy hotel and lying on my stomach and having my inner thighs kneaded. It was a female massage therapist and I was so turned on because her fingers were also brushing over my pussy, but I was actually mortified and trying to hide my arousal. I wish I’d known then what I know now.